Purpose Pace

I found myself floundering with no purpose, directionless. Not a good place for a middle-aged man to be. My marriage has been destroyed by dumb decisions in my past that I regret. My home is lost to Satan’s desire for all homes, destruction. I am left to pick up the pieces of my broken home and broken heart. What will I do? Where will I go? How can I accomplish God’s will for my life moving forward? How can I still promote and portray Christ and His message to my kids even through the damage of divorce? Who am I? Can I still have an impact? Can I still make a difference? How?

This week (9/7/25-9/13/25) has been a journey, to say the least, a battle! I have been wrestling within my spirit with the afore mentioned questions. I knew I needed direction and purpose. Life is falling apart around me, and unwelcome changes are on the horizon. My friend Jake asked me to do a book study through “the resolution for men (from the movie courageous).” So now my life is contrasted with this ideal, courageous, resolute, respectable man as encouraged in this book. I screwed up…bad! Yet, I know that this is the kind of man my kids need me to be.

I started running in December of 2023. I just wanted to not be disgusted when I looked in the mirror initially. So I ran when I could, very haphazardly. When my wife told she wanted to end our marriage I flung myself into survival mode. What must I do to save my marriage? I did and tried everything, support groups, counseling, life coaches, books, and therapy. The list goes on. Everything I did, all that I attempted was fruitless. Apparently, when trying to save your marriage, you can’t try to save your marriage (still trying to figure this one out). Anyway, running became a coping mechanism for stress. It was a healthy way to escape life’s hardships. Exercise, blood flow, clarity of thought, fresh ideas, setting and accomplishing goals, feeling of accomplishment and self-pride, these are the benefits of running for me that outweighed the fact that I’m not really in love with running. I, like Forrest, just ran and kept running. Last month, I ran, possibly insanely, over 100 miles (thanks to some inspiration from my friend Ryan)!

I am a Christian. That is who I am. I have been placed on this Earth for a purpose and that purpose goes beyond me. More importantly than who I am and what is my purpose, who is God and what is His purpose? My goal and desire are to combine who I am with what I do while promoting who God is and what He can do. Even though I’m in a dark valley, I must trust and point to God. Sometimes when we don’t feel God the most is when He is closest because He is stretching our faith, growing us, and teaching us to rely on Him.

In April of 2015, my wife and I lost our precious little girl, Faith, in a freak accident. She was 20 months old. We sang the hymn “It is well” at her funeral. I’m still not sure if I can honestly say that it is well with my soul that we lost her. Recently, I read an old post from my wife from around that time and she said, “praying our greatest tragedy will be someone’s greatest blessing.” Reaching for some purpose behind our pain.

On September 10, 2025 Charlie Kirk was assassinated. His life and death has had a profound impact inside of me. Charlie was a courageous, resolute, respectable (sounds like my book) man. He was a mouthpiece, not just for political ideals, but for Christ. He unashamedly proclaimed the Gospel of Christ to millions of people. His legacy will live on, but his absence leaves a huge void. Who will stand in the gap? I am no where near Charlie Kirk, but can I brighten my little corner of the world with the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Can I be bold and courageous?

Let me tie these thoughts together. God has a purpose, and he wants me to love those around me. I am a Christian. I run, its what I do, but I need a greater purpose than health. I lost my daughter, and I’m still trying to find out why. I hurt my wife, and now she wants out. Can God take all these ingredients and make good come out of them? I believe God has given me the direction He wants me to go, Purpose Pace!

Last night, my wife told me she wants to divorce. Crossroads imposed by my own foolishness and resurrected by my past. Which way will I go? What will I do? How will I respond? Will this trial result in another seemingly empty, horrible event in my life? God has impressed on my heart to live out a purpose. By His grace, I will reach out to people with the Gospel with each exercise post, start a charity (that involves sponsorship for running) that will financially bless families that are in similar situations that my wife and I were in over 9 years ago. This is how God can bring many negative trials in my life and teach me to love people around me. I must be a man on a mission. May my mission be one that honors and glorifies the Creator and Redeemer.